Taking the time to deconstruct and really ponder its meaning has yielded some invaluable insights regarding my temple marriage with my husband. (Note: I am not talking about it in reference to the sum total of all the covenants we make with Heavenly Father, but of the new and everlasting covenant of marriage as described in D&C 131:1-2).
Though I consider getting sealed in the House of the Lord to my eternal companion under the new and everlasting covenant as established by the Lord to be the most important day of my life, I would argue that every day thereafter has been equally important. It is through understanding each part of the phrase, “New and Everlasting Covenant”, and affording each word its own interpretation and analysis, that I have more fully understood my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and most importantly, the way those relationships influence each other.
My hope is that we can better understand the following question: What is the character of marriage that is signified by the New, Everlasting Covenant?
"Covenant"
Examining what kind of character a marriage signified by the New and Everlasting Covenant has illuminates what the Lord expects from me and my spouse. The word “covenant” is a unique part of the phrase, especially in comparison to the word “contract”. In a temple prep manual issued by the Church, “A covenant is often defined as a sacred promise between God and His children. While this definition is accurate, it is not complete. A covenant is more than a contract; it is a personal commitment that defines and deepens our relationship with God. Covenants form a sacred bond between God and His children. They renew our spirits, change our hearts, and help us become united with Him.” Thus, a marriage under a covenant is no ordinary contract between two earthly beings who have agreed to marry each other.
A contract, on the other hand, involves two parties that stand independent from one another who engage in some kind of exchange. It involves a two-way promise where one party promises the other something in exchange for something else. The world today is full of marriages under these kind of contracts (even involving prenup forms at times!) Yet, in contrast, a marriage under a covenant involves two parties who are not independent of one another because a covenant reminds people that they owe everything they have to God. In fact, the word covenant implies a relationship with God wherein He reminds us of the gift He has already given to us. By accepting that covenant from God, we do more than promise Him something in exchange for something else; rather, we consent to Him that we choose to be His people and that we choose to enter into a covenant relation. Moreover, a covenant in marriage implies that not only do we choose to enter and accept the gift He has already given us, but that we choose to enter into the relation not knowing exactly what will be required of us.
I love this way of viewing my covenants with the Lord because it reminds me that my marriage to my husband is a gift that unites me to him, him to me, and us to God and Christ. It’s not merely an exchange (ex. I am kneeling over this altar because in 50 years from now I know you will take care of me if I should fall ill) but a choice to accept a gift God has already given me and to enter into a relation NOT knowing if my husband may die the next morning or if our children will grow up to be good people or if we find promising and fulfilling careers. In this way, my marriage under covenant isn’t about sacrifice or compromise so much as it is about selflessness and consecration.
"New"
A deeper understanding of “new” and “everlasting” also helps me understand my marital covenants more fully. It is a "new" covenant every time it is revealed anew following a period of apostasy; but I think "new" also implies being made into a new person, giving us a new kind of freedom that comes because of God gifting it to us. He gifts us with a new way of being, and we become more like the sons and daughters of Christ as spoken of in Mosiah. As I kneel across the altar, I symbolically bury my old self and receive the gift that my spouse and God offer to me. In so doing, I become something new because of this new relationality. Under this new covenant, I am no longer “Marieka” with all my wants and needs and desires. Instead, I am a “new Marieka” who chooses to forego some of my selfish ways and habits in favor of taking on a new relationality with my husband. In essence, a new covenant implies a new relationality with my husband that didn’t exist there before and which requires me to take upon his suffering and his weaknesses (his suffering=my suffering). Only in this way am I being gifted with a new way of being.
"Everlasting"
The last word, “everlasting” reinforces this idea of suffering. While “covenant” and “new” implies a gifting of myself to my husband that earthly marriage contracts don’t encompass, “everlasting” extends this concept by describing the certain quality of the relation. Everlasting means never-ending or lasting throughout time, but there is still another meaning that renders additional insight. I think "everlasting" also means that we are bound to one another in such a way that what comes upon them are things we are going to take upon ourselves; consequently, the responsibility and the needs of one become the responsibility and needs of both. Everlasting implies that there are and will be some things that tear at the relationship AND YET the relationship continues to be ever lasting. Thus, everlasting implies that the quality of relationship matters. If, for example, the relationship was only about duration, then the primary quality is about permanence and fixation (ex. I have to stay married no matter what). But that is not really everlasting. Everlasting is taking upon ourselves the needs and suffering of one another. As we take upon ourselves our spouse’s needs, wants, and suffering, those very things become ours. We create a bond such that what they feel and endure is what we feel and endure; and we do so in an everlasting way so that despite the suffering, we continue to find joy in being married come what may. Thus, the quality of marriage is what makes it an everlasting covenant. And by so pursuing such an everlasting faithfulness and quality of marriage do we ensure that our marriage will endure over time.
Personal Experience
This idea rings so true to me right now as a young married student. For example, when my husband didn’t get accepted into his program the first time, I truly felt his pain, disappointment, and suffering. He had worked so hard for it and to see him suffer caused me a great deal of suffering. I can’t count the number of conversations we had in the long hours of the night over this as we discussed the future with all of its unknowns. I literally took upon his suffering as I worked with him for weeks and months to create a new portfolio which he could use to re-apply. When my husband found out he got accepted the second time he applied, we were both overjoyed. However bitter the rejection and suffering was the first time could not compare to the joy and pride we felt once he got accepted! Even though I didn’t apply myself, I felt as if I had gotten accepted into the program because of the joy I felt that grew out of our covenant to “bear one another’s burdens” during the tough times. This experience, as well as countless of others, have helped me cherish what it truly means to be under the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.
***If you have read this far, I commend you and welcome any thoughts or comments on the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. This was initially a class assignment, but I have found so much truth in it that I wanted to expound upon my thoughts and not let it collect dust in my Google Drive homework folder. Anyway...thanks for following along!***
