Oh, wow! Tonight I will be set apart as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I am excited; I am scared; I am overjoyed; I am anxious to serve my Lord.
I wonder if I'll feel any different. Like the time right before I turned eighteen. On the eve of my eighteenth birthday, I wondered if I would feel more womanly, more grown-up. As if becoming a legal adult warranted a new spirit within me--a new me. And once I turned eighteen, nothing of the sort happened. I felt the same, Marieka through and through, without any magic adult feelings. What did feel strange was musing to myself, "I am eighteen years old...I am eighteen years old" over and over in my head. When I spoke it aloud, it was all the more foreign tasting.
Perhaps that is how I will feel tonight. Perhaps no magic missionary feelings will wash over me. Instead, the words "I am now a full-time missionary" might play repeatedly inside my head. And that will be strange to the mind. Then I will turn to my family, and vocalize my realization. When I speak it aloud, perhaps it will sound all the more foreign tasting.
I suspect that "I'm a full-time missionary" won't hit me until I arrive at the MTC, meet my companion, and start learning Korean. I suspect it won't fully sink in until I'm on the plane to Korea, ready to serve the Korean people with all my heart, might, mind and strength, putting my full trust and faith in Him whose name I bear on my name tag.
Whatever I feel tonight, I know I will relish each tender and precious feeling. This is the beginning of an eighteen month faith-expanding journey in which I am blessed enough to take part. As Alma so succinctly and perfectly stated, "Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel" (Alma 26:16).
